If you are interested in Nike Tiempo Legend IV FG Light Crimson Black Total Crimson,helpful resources.

If you are interested in Nike Tiempo Legend IV FG Light Crimson Black Total Crimson,helpful resources.

 

Jokes Page 5

 

If you are interested in Nike Tiempo Legend IV FG Light Crimson Black Total Crimson,helpful resources.

 

WOMEN AND CATS

I've never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, when they do come home they expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone to sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.  Odd that.

 

ONLY ONE SEAT

An usher at a movie theatre notices a customer laying across three seats near the back of the theatre. He tells the customer that he can only take up one seat.

The customer justs moans and rolls his eyes.

The usher goes to get his supervisor who also tells the customer he must only take one seat or he will call the police.

Once again the customer justs moans and rolls his eyes.

The supervisor calls the police, who come and tell the customer that he has been told by the usher and the manager to sit up and that he can only take up one seat. "What's wrong with you?" they ask.

The customer justs moans and rolls his eyes.

The police officer asks the man "Where did you come from?"

The man lifts a hand in the air, and says "the balcony".....

 

AS LUCK WILL HAVE IT

A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open.

As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.

As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"

The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"


WHY NOT HER LOVER?

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.

"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"

WHY

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery?"
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95 or 98, you have to click on "Start?"
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

 

LETS PRETEND

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea....let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Good," he replies, turning over, "Get your own damn blanket."

DIVORCE

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!!"

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Last modified: May 18, 2014